https://parentcoach.org/2026/10/28/healthy-communication-with-our-kidsits-not-at-all-uncommon-for-parents-to-work-with-me-to-improve-their-communication-with-their-children-this-is-often-a-front-end-request-as-they-feel-it-is-a/ 2026-10-28T10:18:06Z ParentCoach Family Counseling, LLC en "Healthy" Communication with our KidsIt's not at all uncommon for parents to work with me to improve their communication with their children. This is often a front-end request, as they feel it is at the root of whatever behavioral or relational issues they're having with their child. And certainly communication is important, but addressing communication issues, no matter how hard you try, it's not likely to result in warm fireside chats with your preteen or adolescent in which they are drinking up your wisdom and showing gratitude for everything you do. That's not how we are built as kids, no matter how many Hallmark specials you watch.Healthy communication with children could probably be best defined by the absence of raised voices and sarcastic remarks by the parent. You'll notice here that I'm not making much requirement of the children. That's because requirements of the children are part of the behavioral expectation. You certainly can expect that your kids will not raise their voice, use inappropriate language or be sarcastic, but that has to be part of how you hold them accountable. In other words, healthy communication between you and your child is driven almost entirely by you, and has more to do with your own ability to self regulate in a very frustrating situation than anything else. As with most things in parenting, the good news is that it has everything to do with us, and the bad news is that it has everything to do with us.Children need information from us, but that doesn't mean they're listening to it. That said, once it has come out of our mouths, they are responsible for it.Don't be afraid to say what needs to be said, don't be afraid to say the things that they don't want to hear if they need to hear them. Just because they're upset does not mean that the communication is not good. That's worth repeating: healthy communication is not signified by children being calm and placid and accepting of what we have to say.If your child decides they want to talk to you about something that's important to them, by all means listen with both ears and both eyes, hear them out, ask them questions, but don't judge it. If there is teaching that has to be done, try to do it through curiosity and not correction. It is with no small amount of humor that we come to realize that communicating while we are in the car with our child comes easier. Largely this is because there's no eye contact, which tends to make the whole process easier for the child. Don't be afraid to use that time to their advantage.The take home message is this: healthy parent-child communication is up to us, not them. 2026-10-28T10:16:13Z Blog